FELLOWship of the Singh

First, we have to clear up any misunderstandings that might've come from previous postings. I do not think that Indians aren't fond of foreigners. In all the Asian countries I've been, there is something we can call a "white man awe meter" or something. A high reading on the meter means the average reaction to you as a foreigner (in my case, 30 year old man) makes you feel prett uncomfortable, while a low reading would mean you feel welcome and accepted. Everywhere in Asia, you have moments when the mercury is exploding out the top, but I think the average awkwardness is highest here. Recent examples are in order:
1) I go to a bar- which in previous blogs is explained as a restaurant with overpriced beer where women are basically barred from- and when I step into said bar I get swarmed. All the waiters are like 15 year old beers and the clientele stops to look at me like that scene in Swingers when they walk into that modeling party. Immediately, the words of an Eminem song hit my head, "You all act like you never seen a white person before. Jaws drop to the floor...." This happens everywhere, but these waiters- the younger and older- were hovering around me the whole time I drank my beer, trying to figure out what species of ape I was. I couldn't pay and leave quick enough. For one of the few times in my life- no tip.
2) My boss- the president of the NGO- goes into the bank to do some business. I am with him and when I walk in, fifty pairs of eyes look me up and down sushi chefs do a 150 pound tuna at the morning market in Tokyo. Twenty something year old guys in line, look at me, simultaneously point me out to one another and smile. They're not smiling at me, they're smiling about me. When girls do it, it's cute and admittedly flattering, but the guys just come off as punks.

Could be a little paranoid cause I been out of the Asian game for a bit. But Indians are the least fun-loving, even with each other, of any other Asians. By the fifteeth time being asked by genuinely kind people "Where is your country?", I start saying Iceland, Seychelles, or the ever laugh-inducing Pakistan. I need love and affection as much as the next but get over me already. Surely you've seen non-Indian people in movies before?

In a previous blog, I said you could smack the crap outta me if I started noddin my head from side to side. Ever the English teacher, I've been paying attention to how they use English. If I come back and start replacing the word "guy" or "dude" when talking about people in the third person with "fellow", you have written, documented permission to knock a tooth out. Same goes for if you introduce me to a friend of yours I don't know and after asking them their name I ask them what their "qualifications" (took me a while to figure out they wanna know what my degree is in) are. First time I was asked, I thought they were talking in relation to the job I'm doing here, so I answered "I don't have any. This is my first experience in animal welfare." And we laughed and laughed.....