Early Mid-Life Crisis?

Here's a tiny sob story for you. Yesterday I was a bit lonely. The people I'm staying with right now took off for an overnight trip to one of their friend's parent's home in the woods. I was graciously invited but politely turned down the offer of being engulfed in the French chitter chatter of a dozen or so twenty something year olds.

I claimed I had to work on my CV, which I honestly had to do and actually did some work on it, but mostly I just took a nap, went out for dinner and a couple beers and returned "home" to tuck in at midnight. Really not that an unusually depressing night for someone who has just gone to a foreign country, where they can't speak the language and don't really know anyone. Hell, I'm kind of proud of myself that I didn't buy a 12 pack and polish it off. But in the end, I did feel a bit like one of those Dostoyevskian characters who goes mad coming home to the same musty, candlelit room every night-which he is letting from some old woman who reads his mail before giving it to him- to boiled potatoes and a bit of beef, if he's lucky.

Then it struck me...maybe I wasn't lonely from being left alone, albeit by choice (isn't this whole damned trip of mine?), but because their trip reminded me of days I can't ever go back to. How much time in advance, not to mention plane tickets and long car drives just to get to the same starting point, would my friends need to have an "impromptu" gathering of that sort? Shit's changed, huh? Not to say that I feel the need to go on such a trip.....but it would be nice every now and then, right?

Is this coincidence that the big, scary 3-0 is coming in a couple weeks? To be honest, like R Kelly said "Age ain't nothing but a number." And then he videotaped himself pissing on his 13 year old cousin. If our society's number system revolved around pi or something, then my big "Uh, oh I'm getting old" birthday wouldn't happen until I was 31 years and approximately 152 days (rounded up) old. But when people constantly make such a big stink about something, you can't help but wonder...I mean the 30 year old thing, not whether it's really OK to have sex with your 13 year old relative, even if it's consensual.

Well, my flatmates (yeah I said flatmates. deal with it Yanks) come back this evening and I think I'm going to make up for that 12 pack. Then I'm going to do a boatload of blow and prowl the streets of Bordeaux looking for West African hookers. Just kidding, mom.

Out,
SF